August 05, 2010 10:42 PM UTC

Dan Maes Will Not Rest Until...He Figures Out What He's Talking About

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• by: Colorado Pols

Republican gubernatorial candidate Dan Maes got a lot of attention yesterday for his concern over a U.N. plot to force people to ride bicycles and take showers and…something.

We really couldn’t even explain the Maes conspiracy theory enough to make fun of it, but as it turns out, neither can Maes. From The Steamboat Pilot:

“What I’m going on is based on limited information,” Maes told the Steamboat Pilot & Today on Wednesday. “On the surface, the program looks great. But this is a U.N. program the mayor has signed on to.”

Maes said Wednesday that his remarks had been made in the context of a question asking him what strategy he would use to defeat Hickenlooper in the general election.

“I met a woman at a campaign event who handed me a very well-documented portfolio” about the International Council for Environmental Initiatives, Maes said. “I have not had time to study all of the portfolio. I have to learn more about it. We’ve just scratched the surface.” [all bolding is Pols’ emphasis]

Uh, yeah. So in other words, Maes is basing his entire conspiracy theory on a bunch of documents that some woman he doesn’t know handed him at a campaign event.

At this point, we kind of hope that Maes does get elected Governor. It would be great fun to see him get on a soapbox about something every time a person handed him an unmarked envelope full of nonsense information.

It has come to my attention recently that certain members of the state legislature are actually aliens from the planet Zog. Rest assured, my fellow Coloradans, that this will be investigated thoroughly…as soon as I finish reading this packet of information someone handed me.