October 31, 2013 03:25 PM UTC

A Congressman and a Cabinet Member: Holcomb Heat

• 1 Comments
• by: MichaelBowman

He, the dashing former frat boy in political ascension. Her, the striking accomplished politician:  the daughter of an Ohio Governor, they became the nation's first-ever father/daughter pair in the United States after her election.  She lead the Governor's Ethanol Coalition beginning in 2006; her "tough as nails" persona three-times defied efforts of a bought-off Kansas legislature to build an ill-conceived coal plant in Holcomb, Kansas.  As Governor, she reached out to a Koch Industries economist in an effort to streamline Kansas government, ultimately yielding hundreds of millions of dollars in savings for Kansas taxpayers.  A Presidential Cabinet Appointee. She was everything he wanted to be.

Their exchange began; you could cut the tension with a knife. He asked her to take a look at his exhibit.  She said she couldn't see it. The Congressman was surprised, then indignant.  "You can't see this?!"  "No, I'll need my glasses", the Secretary replied. Then, the incontinent Congressman: "Did I see you on a tricycle in Meade, Kansas once ?"   The Congressman laughs.  This isn't going like I thought it would, he thinks to himself.  It was starting to feel like an Octopus mating ritual.  And if you're the male in that equation, it always ends badly.  His anxiety grew.

Jaxine might pen this evolving romance  "Holcomb Heat".

The hearing ended; she remained unimpressed and unmoved by his exhibit.  She thinks to herself, "this is going nowhere – he's obviously a "Red Solo Cup" kind of guy … yet another case of arrested development on Capitol Hill. I'll bet he's a secessionist, too."  

He thinks to himself, "I'll show her who's the smartest person in the room".  He knows his fraternity brother Tim has his back: he filed an amendment to the Farm Bill – an amendment that would undo all of her work as Governor to prevent the construction of Holcomb. He laughs, nervously.  He hopes it will work, but he's increasingly feeling like a trapped, male Octopus.

She's playing chess, he's playing Tic Tac Toe.  Even the Scarecrow knew a girl from Kansas was where you went to for wisdom, advice – and a course in how to be fearless.

He should have brought roses. He should have been on bended knee.  Her political leadership means his district now has a shot at hundreds of millions of dollars in renewable energy.  The over-100,000 constituents in his district without health care look to the Secretary to shepherd the bumpy rollout so they'll be covered – in spite of his ill-fated efforts to shut down the government over ObamaCare. He's troubled his constituents may figure out they are benefiting from her leadership. He knows their gratitude for the opportunities in future wind and energy development – are because of her.

"Perhaps I could impress her with a snipe hunt" he thinks to himself. 

She's convinced he thinks hazing is still considered a male mating ritual.

It could have been a love story if, "he'd only had a brain."