April 01, 2014 10:39 AM UTC

BREAKING: Gardner Recommits To "Personhood" Abortion Ban

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• by: Colorado Pols

As the Rocky Mountain News reports today, another stunning turnabout in the Colorado U.S. Senate race:

Less than two weeks after Republican U.S. Senate candidate Cory Gardner announced he could no longer support the so-called "Personhood" abortion bans that appeared on the Colorado ballot in prior years, today Gardner announced that he "takes it all back."

"This was a bad idea driven by good intentions," Gardner told the Rocky Mountain News. "I was right the first time. I support personhood. I support personhood going forward. To not do it again would be a mistake."

Following Gardner's dramatic Friday evening announcement that he was abandoning support for the abortion ban amendments which were twice rejected overwhelmingly by Colorado voters, Gardner was harshly criticized from both sides of the aisle. Anti-abortion activists denounced Gardner for turning his back on them after years of steadfast support, while Democrats coined the nickname "Con Man Cory" to call attention to his willingness to "say anything to get elected."

"I know I said I was wrong to support Personhood, but I've since realized that it's even worse to be trusted by no one," said Gardner. "Honestly? I got crap advice. With a record of supporting total bans on abortion at every opportunity, nobody believed me when I flip-flopped anyway. I now understand that flip-flopping on Personhood isn't going to win me a single vote, so obviously it was a mistake."

"Mark Udall said a good-faith re-examination of a position you've held in the past should be seen as a virtue, not a vice," Gardner said. "If it's a virtue to change your position once, twice in two weeks should win me a medal!"

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APRIL FOOL!