President (To Win Colorado) See Full Big Line

(D) Joe Biden*

(R) Donald Trump

80%

20%

CO-01 (Denver) See Full Big Line

(D) Diana DeGette*

(R) V. Archuleta

98%

CO-02 (Boulder-ish) See Full Big Line

(D) Joe Neguse*

(R) Marshall Dawson

95%

CO-03 (West & Southern CO) See Full Big Line

(D) Adam Frisch

(R) Jeff Hurd

50%

CO-04 (Northeast-ish Colorado) See Full Big Line

(R) Lauren Boebert

(D) Trisha Calvarese

90%

10%

CO-05 (Colorado Springs) See Full Big Line

(R) Jeff Crank

(D) River Gassen

80%

20%

CO-06 (Aurora) See Full Big Line

(D) Jason Crow*

(R) John Fabbricatore

90%

10%

CO-07 (Jefferson County) See Full Big Line

(D) B. Pettersen

(R) Sergei Matveyuk

90%

10%

CO-08 (Northern Colo.) See Full Big Line

(D) Yadira Caraveo

(R) Gabe Evans

70%

30%

State Senate Majority See Full Big Line

DEMOCRATS

REPUBLICANS

80%

20%

State House Majority See Full Big Line

DEMOCRATS

REPUBLICANS

95%

April 14, 2011 11:00 PM UTC

Not Intended To Be A Factual Statement

1 Comments
by: nancycronk

(Warning: Snark Alert)

Arizona Senator Jon Kyl recently argued that “90% of what Planned Parenthood does is to provide abortions” to justify taking community health service money away from people who don’t get congressional “cadillac” health care plans like he does.

Stephen Colbert and other alert viewers did their research and found that only 3% of what Planned Parenthood does are actually abortions. Planned Parenthood does mammograms, public health education, blood testing for sexually transmitted diseases, pap smears, pelvic exams, general health and wellness exams, and much, much more. In fact, Planned Parenthood does more of one thing than they actually do abortions. Are you ready for this… they actually help people plan for parenthood (gasp!). Whenn constituents called Kyl’s Senate office for an explanation, the staff was instructed to say, “Sentor Kyl’s comment was not intended to be a factual statement“.

Television comedian Stephen Colbert asked his viewers to help him figure out what other “facts” may not have been intended as factual statements. Here are some of the ones posted on twitter at #notintendedtobeafactualstatement.

1. Jon Kyl holds the Guinness World Record for “Largest Collection of Penis Enlargers.”

2. In 2009, Jon Kyl lost $380,000 wagering on dwarf tossing.

3. Jon Kyl calls the underside of his Senate seat: “The Booger Graveyard.”

4. Jon Kyl has the world’s most extensive catalogue of snuff films.

5. Jon Kyl can unhinge his jaw like a python to swallow small rodents whole.

6. Jon Kyl calls all Asians “Neil” no matter what their name is.

7. Jon Kyl let a game-winning ground ball roll through his legs in Game 6 of the ’86 World Series.

8. Jon Kyl developed his own line of hair care products just so he could test them on bunnies.

9. Once a year, Jon Kyl retreats to the Arizona Desert and deposits 2 million egg sacs under the sand.

10. Jon Kyl is one of Gaddafi’s sexy female ninja guards.

This got me to wondering — are there political “facts” in Colorado that were “not intended to be a factual statement?”? If you can think of any, please feel free to add the twitter hashtag #notintendedtobeafactualstatement to the end of it. The People need help separating the facts from the GOP ~~lies~~ statements not intended to be factual.

I’m happy to start with some examples:

Ryan Call and the Colorado GOP give a damn about public education and your kids. #notintendedtobeafactualstatement

Lots of brown people support the Colorado GOP because their concerns regarding equality are validated and affirmed. #notintendedtobeafactualstatement

Here are a few national examples:

The GOP would never use a controversial wedge issue to dupe poorly-educated but otherwise decent religious people into voting against their own self-interests. They have too much integrity for that. #notintendedtobeafactualstatement

George Bush actually thought there were weapons of mass destruction being hidden in Iraq. #notintendedtobeafactualstatement

Donald Trump’s hair is transplanted from dead rodent tails. #notintendedtobeafactualstatement

Being a millionaire qualifies a person to advise teachers with actual college degrees on education policy. #notintendedtobeafactualstatment

Log Cabin Republicans make sense. #notintendedtobeafactualstatement

Jon Kyl submitted an application to be the official “Obama 2012 Girl”. #notintendedtobeafactualstatement

Fox News. #notintendedtobeafactualstatement

One thought on “Not Intended To Be A Factual Statement”

DaftPunk says:

April 15, 2011 at 1:44 am

Ten People We Wish Had Used the Kobe/Kyl Non-Apology

Not two days later, Lakers star Kobe Bryant was fined $100,000 for calling a referee a “fucking faggot” during a game. Bryant, naturally, was agog that anyone reacted negatively. “What I said last night should not be taken literally,” he pointed out. Duh! The guy was not actually having gay sex right then.

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Not Intended To Be A Factual Statement

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