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September 20, 2011 04:30 PM UTC

"If Prop 103 Passes..." Balloon Boy Will Rain Death From Above

  • 11 Comments
  • by: Colorado Pols

For almost seven years, Colorado Pols has been relied on as a vital source of news and information about Colorado politics and policy matters. Proposition 103 is a state education ballot initiative to be decided this November. If passed, Proposition 103 would restore the income and sales tax rates that were in effect in 1999 in Colorado, increasing from 4.63% to 5% and 2.9% to 3% respectively for five years.

But that’s not all!

If Proposition 103 passes, the world-famous “Balloon Boy” of Fort Collins will return from the faraway land he floated off to in October of 2009 with a flotilla of death ray equipped balloons to wreak globally televised vengeance on humanity. The other 118,999 balloons will be piloted either by monkeys or thousands of Wil Wheaton clones, depending on how you interpret the data. Either way, “Balloon Boy” will be furious over better supervision in Colorado classrooms with a lower student-to-teacher ratio, and his fleet of monkeys/Wheatons with antimatter weapons will agree. Once they’re done turning the Front Range into a plate of lumpy black glass, Colorado’s youngest-ever balloon pilot and his armada of home-built zeppelins will float on the prevailing westerlies, laying waste to farms, towns, and anything that looks like CNN would cover if they blew it up–which from 2,000 feet above ground level to a little kid is pretty much everything. All because Proposition 103 passed.

What’s that? Balloon Boy landed–wait, you mean he wasn’t even IN the balloon?!

We’ll get back to you. The data doesn’t lie.

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11 thoughts on ““If Prop 103 Passes…” Balloon Boy Will Rain Death From Above”

      1. And working on that whole celiac thing! The more people who know about it, the less chance of me being poisoned.

        Seems odd that he’d work to keep me alive and then kill me from above. Divine intervention that I’ve moved? #WatchOutForData <–Eh? Eh?!

        1. He played the hilariously antisocial boyfriend of the main character on “The Guild,” a Web-only project from the lead actress from Dr. Horrible’s Singalong Blog. Look for it on Netflix — and not the DVD crapola spinoff the company is trying to gin up.

        2. Oh, and can we all agree that data is a plural noun from the singular, datum? The data are correct.

          Unless you’re talking about Wil Wheaton’s fictional friend, Lt. Commander Data.

  2. 1. Power is not only what you have but what the enemy thinks you have.

    2. Never go outside the experience of your people.

    3. Whenever possible, go outside of the experience of the enemy.

    4. Make the enemy live up to their own book of rules.

    5. Ridicule is man’s most potent weapon.

    6. A good tactic is one that your people enjoy.

    7. A tactic that drags on too long becomes a drag.

    8. Keep the pressure on with different tactics and actions, and utilize all events of the period for your purpose.

    9. The threat is usually more terrifying than the thing itself.

    10. The major premise for tactics is the development of operations that will maintain a constant pressure upon the opposition.

    11. If you push a negative hard and deep enough, it will break through into its counterside.

    12. The price of a successful attack is a constructive alternative.

    13. Pick the target, freeze it, personalize it, and polarize it.

    Colorado Pols does a textbook job at #1, #5, #6, #8, #10, and #13. You need to beware of #7 after seven tiresome years of doing what you do though.

    I’m up to 78% no on Prop 103, too. I can’t wait for the groveling!

    1. Like screaming about class warfare ( a  small tax increase isn’t) against the “job creators”(cutters?  “outsourcers?” “downisizers”?)? Probably why the polls are turning and nobody is more unpopular than the generic R congress person. Not even the generic D congress person. Well, maybe Kadahfi.  Haven’t checked.  

    3. I believe that Sun Tzu came up with #1 prior to Mr. Alinsky.  Maybe Pols is really trying to re-establish Chinese feudalism?

      #6-Yeah.  I’m sure no one thought of that before either. (or later, on their own).  

      #8-Another obvious tactic, you suggest a better strategy is to use the same tactic over and over or to ignore events?

      #10-No shit.

      In general, none of these were ‘pioneered’ by Saul, nor are they new to his time.  Rather they are standard tactics deployed throughout time by people of all political persuasions.  

      Take #13 for instance…then watch Sean Hannity (I suggest on an empty stomach unless you have a stash of sawdust handy) and also, look in the mirror.

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