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March 03, 2010 07:05 PM UTC

Mike the Leader Springs Into Action

  • 24 Comments
  • by: JO

From the Center of the Universe: The Well of the Senate, Wednesday: Colorado’s dynamic super-leader, Michael Bennet, sprang into action Wednesday. He delivered a speech  the Senate in which he announced that he was introducing a raft of bills to solve the problems facing the United States.

Delivering his stirring remarks with his patented scowl, indicating the seriousness of his intent, he first introduced legislation to modify rules of the Senate so that problem-solving bills could be brought to a vote and adopted. His bills would also require Senators to cough up some of their corporate bucks when they ride on corporate jets, freeze their pay (in line, presumably, with the rest of working America), bar lawmakers from lobbying forever and ever ’til death do them part, and eliminate anonymous holds in darkened movie theatres.

The legislation proposed by the first term, unelected, junior senator, who faces a primary challenge from his own party and is way, way behind virtually any Republican with legal residence in Colorado in most polls, should he make it to the general election, was a shining example of his Daring Leadership, in the view of BennetPols shills.

But your correspondent has learned that Michael isn’t stopping there. No siree. Other examples of leadership soon to follow include:

–Replacing the Star Spangled Banner as the national anthemn (“hostile, aggressive, warlike”) with Itchee Kitchee Whackadoodle, Mike’s favorite song from his days at St. Alban’s.

–A bill that would ban snowfalls of more than 2 inches on any urban area, except for parks with good sliding hills.

–A bill to ban global warming without requiring any action by drivers of Hummers, Ford Excursionss, Dodge Rambos, and other MegaVehicles.

–A bill banning traffic jams on any Interstate, federally designated, or state highway in Colorado.

–A bill reducing the federal deficit to zero without any spending cuts or tax hikes.

–A bill to protect Bill from broken ribs, no matter what.

–A bill to guarantee every family in Colorado an annual income not less than Bennet’s own income from wealth accumulated working for Phil Anshutz.

–A bill causing female hearts and eyelids to flutter in unison at the very mention of Mike the Great Leader’s name.

–A bill to replace the Colorado state motto, which no one knows anyway, with “I Like Mike.”

“This is leadership,” the Appointed One declared to an empty Senate chamber at an hour set aside for aspiring candidates to strut their stuff for the Folks Back Home. “No matter that nothing I propose stands a chance of passing. No matter that this is done to lure the naive and gullible to step forth on blogs to praise my daring, my initiative, my utter independence from those who are feeding my campaign with mega-contributions. My speech, my legislation which I drafted, crafted, and edited on my new netbook right after breakfast this morning, this legislation will Change the World, Solve All Our Problems, and bring forth Hosannas on my behalf.”

Whew! We can rest assurred. Mike is on the scene!

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24 thoughts on “Mike the Leader Springs Into Action”

  1. Here’s Bennet introducing some bills that could bring about real improvement. Even you can’t find anything to complain about in them. So you make shit up.

    As to it not having a chance of passing, didn’t you say the same about his letter saying he would vote for reconciliation to pass health care? And yet it looks like that will work.

    Grow up.

    1. And JO, thanks for cementing your image as a moronic asshole. As a Bennet supporter I appreciate everything you are doing to make this easier for him.

    2. didn’t you say the same about his letter saying he would vote for reconciliation to pass health care?

      No, I didn’t say that.

      Query: Is it called “political science” because reactions are entirely predictable? Like medical science: hammer to knee, foot jumps up. Criticize Mike the Great, “You really are a dick, aren’t you.” Whoda ever thunk you’d say something like that?

      Nomination: Yeah Right Club’s “joke of the day”:

      some bills that could bring about real improvement.

      1. JO, I think your check from BennetforColorado.com should be in the mail.  Well done in proving that AR’s supporters–Romanoff’s solid credentials aside–are mostly lunatics.  

  2. You and Another Skeptic are two peas in a pod.

    So for you, I introduce:

    Drunken Fruitcake

    7 cups unbleached white flour

    1 1/2 tsp. cinnamon, ground

    1 1/2 tsp. baking soda

    1 1/2 tsp. baking powder

    1 1/2 tsp. salt

    1 tsp. cloves, ground

    1 tsp. nutmeg, ground

    2 cups pecans, chopped

    2 cups apricots, chopped

    1 cup prunes chopped

    1 cup candied pineapple

    2 cups dried cranberries or craisins

    2 cups raisins

    1 1/2 cups golden raisins

    1 1/2 cups butter, softened

    2 cups brown sugar

    3 large eggs

    1 cups applesauce

    1/4 cup brandy

    1/4 cup dark rum

    1/3 cup brandy

    1/3 cup dark rum

    Directions:

    1. Combine all dry ingredients in large bowl, set aside.

    2. Chop pecans in a food processor, set aside.

    3. Chop apricots, prunes, pineapple and cranberries in a food processor.

    4. Mix all fruits and nuts together and set aside.

    5. Cream butter and sugar in large mixing bowl.

    6. Add eggs one at a time, beating each time.

    7. Beat in applesauce and 1/4 cup each of brandy and rum.

    8. Mix all ingredients together except the last 1/3 cup each of brandy and rum.

    9. Pour into 5 greased 9″x5″ disposable loaf pans.

    10. Bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes and rotate pans.

    11. Bake for an additional 45 minutes or until knife comes out clean.

    12. Remove from pans and let cool completely. Wash pans and dry.

    13. Mix the remaining brandy and rum together in measuring cup with spout.

    14. Return fruitcake to pans and pour an equal amount of alcohol over each fruitcake.

    15. Wrap and set aside until someone is ready to eat it!

    Makes 5 large loaves.

  3. as an example of the mindless lunacy that seems to permeate many, not all, of the AR supporters.

    Undecided? Read JO’s diaries/comments and support Sen. Bennet 3/16.

  4. I wonder if JO has been replaced by a sockpuppet new user name.

    Or if you got a job with the Romanoff campaign.

    Or if you decided to follow the advice of someone here to fuck off and die or something.

    I get you.

    If Senator Bennet does something- it’s a stoopid waste of time because it won’t pass.

    If it does pass, it’s just a stoopid waste of time.

    If he does nothing, well, he’s a worthless Senator who does nothing.

    If he doesn’t do exactly what you think he should do, when and how you think he should do it, then he’s worthless.

    JO- you have no need to finesse or spin, so a simple yes or no should suffice:

    Because the Senate Bill was flawed in content and process (or for any other reason) would you have preferred one D Senator to have voted no Dec 24 and killed the bill as it was so we could have started over?

    Do you support passing health care through an up or down vote by reconciliation?

    Do you support the inclusion of a public option?

  6. … when I was in junior high and tried to write something political for the school newspaper.  I remember thinking my Sarcastic Use of Capital Letters was really clever. When I was 12.

  11. Setting aside personal attacks and hyperbole, what do you think about this announcement?

    I like it all, but everyone should like at least parts of it.

    I also like that my candidate is (a) working to DO SOMETHING, and (b) isn’t afraid to take on power brokers with whom he serves.

  13. I read the first couple lines of your post and can tell there’s nothing there but another screeching rant without substance. Just like Libby.  

    1. I’m fairly new to Pols — member a few weeks, reader a while before that — but I’ve always seen JO and Libertad as the same category of ignorant ranters.  If s/he wasn’t always like this… well, that’s kinda sad; maybe Libertad was a tenured professor or political science a few years ago too?

  14. and the other candidate recycled a letter against the Senator.

    Sounds like another average day for both of them.  One trying to fix a broken system the other whining about not being treated fairly.

    So typical its not even funny anymore.

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