August 22, 2024 10:16 AM UTC

Russia Ready To Process Your MAGAsylum Claims, Says Alex Jones

• 5 Comments
• by: Colorado Pols

As HuffPost’s Kate Nicholson reports, Russian President Vladimir Putin unveiled this week a new program allowing foreign citizens fleeing “destructive neoliberal ideals” in Western nations (that’s you, America) to apply for political asylum in Russia and escape once and for all the woke West and all the icky things we let people do with each other consensually:

Moscow is encouraging people from around the world to seek refuge in Russia via new three-month visas which may be available as early as in September, according to state news agency TASS.

In Russia, “traditional values reign supreme”, the report claimed – the Kremlin is known to oppose gender fluidity, homosexuality and immigration.

President Vladimir Putin signed a decree this week which would allow foreign nationals into the country “outside the quota approved by the Russian government and without providing documents confirming their knowledge of the Russian language, Russian history and basic laws”.

Applicants may apply via a simplified, expedited system and can request residency if they reject their home countries’ “destructive neoliberal ideals”.

One of the first people to jump on this news was Alex Jones, internationally notorious peddler of falsehoods and conspiracy theories now in the process of having his media empire dismantled by families of the victims of the 2012 Sandy Hook Elementary school shooting. With Jones on the brink of financial ruin, is a one-way ticket to Moscow suddenly looking like an attractive option? Here’s what Jones says:

This new decree blows the lid off the establishment’s agenda, letting freedom-loving folks bypass the usual bureaucratic nonsense like language tests or history exams. If you’re ready to reject the insane policies of your home countries that push these destructive, anti-human, neoliberal agendas, Russia is rolling out the red carpet!

The Russian government is about to compile a list of countries poisoning minds with these twisted ideals, and the Foreign Ministry is gearing up to issue visas to true patriots as soon as September! It’s time to stand up for spiritual and moral values!

The idea of Alex Jones packing his remaining belongings off to Russia frankly shouldn’t sound that bad to most Americans, with many responding to the post above that they’d be happy to help him pack. But this got us thinking about others who might have a compelling interest in getting out of the country in the next few weeks, like ex-Mesa County Clerk Tina Peters, who faces a potentially decades-long prison sentence in early October after being convicted of felony charges in her failed quest to prove that Donald Trump was cheated in the 2020 presidential election. Peters’ friend and major donor to her legal defense Patrick Byrne, like fellow conspiracy theorist Joe “America’s Hangman” Oltmann, are currently the respondents in defamation lawsuits that could leave them mired in debt for the rest of their lives.

These are some individuals who might be better off defecting to Moscow regardless of whether Trump wins in November. In the event that Trump loses, or we should say once Trump loses and after some undetermined period of constitutional crisis finally accepts defeat, there could be a surprising number of MAGA Americans who decide that making a small fraction of the average American salary in an authoritarian dictatorship is worth not having to see Pride parades on television.

Perhaps you know someone like that yourself! Don’t be afraid to market this new option to them.