July 12, 2010 05:05 AM UTC

"Faux-Hawks" and Politics: They Don't Mix

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• by: Colorado Pols

(Cross-posted at Colorado Pols)

Feast your eyes, dear reader, on the website banner of one Mark Barrington, yet another high-hopes GOP candidate running for HD-26 (a swing JeffCo seat held by Democrat Andy Kerr).

We’ll explain as best we can: Barrington’s logo is a green pig. The green color and the frown means (we think) that the pig is ill, perhaps from having drunk whatever formerly occupied the coffee cup the sickly green pig is holding. Note that the pig is wearing cool-guy sunglasses, so presumably we’re supposed to look up to this pig, perhaps with some sympathy over his poison coffee? Of course, if we sympathize with the cool sickly green pig, then it will be harder to explain why he’s popping out of a red “no” sign. Truthfully, we don’t know what the hell is going on here.

Oh, wait, it’s a teacup. Never mind.

Perhaps more of a long-term problem for Mr. Barrington’s political aspirations is what we can most charitably call his clown-like fashion sense. To be sure, we always advise candidate friends to seek out a good professional photographer, and make lots of photos available on your website in high quality–such photos just happen to find their way into independent mailings, commercials, etc. very nicely.

We assume when we give advice like this that they will not post unbelievably awful photos, the kind that Glamour Shots would not allow out of their shop. And yet here we are with Mark Barrington, from the 70s ‘lot lizard’ tie to trousers that seem to be pleading for a tailor because they can’t hold out much longer.

Get a room, kids.

Bad fashion sense aside, do you see his facial expression above? That will not be used positively.

Back when you were in high school, assuming you attended high school anytime between roughly 1978 and the present day, you knew this kid. He wanted to have a mohawk, but his parents wouldn’t let him shave the sides of his head. The response from some was a style known as a “faux-hawk”–hair you could make look alright for Mom, and still gel into something resembling a punk-rock hairdo when you go out on the weekends.

The thing is, once you move out of Mom’s house, you don’t have to fake it anymore.

Moving on (briefly) to the matter of Barrington’s fitness to serve, from his, uh “mission statement.”

Accountability

I believe that politicians should be held accountable for their actions.  The issues and current spending will be readily available to all citizens of Colorado so they can hold me, Mark Barrington, as their representative. [Pols emphasis] I want to make sure the current monies the state has are spent in the right areas and report back to the citizens…

Constitution of Colorado

Many people do not know that there is a constitution that governs our communities in Colorado. [Pols emphasis] Not only do I want to educate Colorado residents on the Constitution but other major issues facing our communities.

You can just imagine how this will go knocking on doors this fall: “Hi, dude! I like so totally want to be your state representative! Did you know that Colorado has a constitution? I know, trip out!”

We feel as though our work is done here.