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July 02, 2013 02:00 PM UTC

Fifty Shades of Jaxine?

  • 28 Comments
  • by: ProgressiveCowgirl

Jaxine-Bubis

Oh, myyyyy! Christian conservative-supported Morse recall proponent, Jaxine Bubis, moonlights as erotica author Jaxine Daniels. Gun shop owner Paul Paradis pulled the trigger today on a breathless, hand-wringing email outing Bubis and begging fellow Republicans to deny her their support. (Incidentally, Paradis is said to be a close friend of the other candidate hoping to oppose Senate President John Morse in a recall election, Bernie Herpin.)

“Beantown Heat” by Jaxine Daniels, a.k.a. Jaxine Bubis.

Intra-party maneuvering aside, this is pretty juicy stuff for a self-described "grammy who writes erotic romance." Her erotic fiction escapades included "Beantown Heat," an "anthology of sensual romance" centered on the sexy summer activities of Boston College staff members. 

A pearl-clutching Paradis  censored the juicy bits out of an "EXPLICIT & GROSS" excerpt quoted in his email, but methinks the creativity of Polsters will serve to fill gaps:

"Now *** ******* were deep inside her. She could feel herself clamp down > on him, aching for his **** inside her. But then he leaned down and began > sucking and licking her, as his fingers moved slowing in and out. In and > out." > (Pg. 65, Beantown Heat, BY Jaxine Bubis)

My personal favorite synopsis, from 2006's "Promise to Believe," appears to be an attempt to cash in on the horror-rotica trend started by the outsized success of Twilight: 

 

Does love endure the grave? Are soul mates, cheated once, given a second chance to love? Or is that madness, the stuff of fairy tales? When Griffin Leroy is given a dream job, to take three old Creole town houses and turn them into a bed and breakfast, her life and sanity are nearly destroyed as she searches for answers and waits for a man who may not even exist. From the daytime world of interior design, to the night-time world of sensual dreams and erotic fantasy, Promise to Believe is a simple love story. A story of hope. A story of promises made, promises remembered, promises kept. Despite the ultimate obstacle.

(Is it a little weird that I'm more grossed out by the blatant sentence fragments and comma abuse in Jaxine's synopsis than by a grammy writing erotic ghost romance?)

Whatever motives Paradis may have had in outing Bubis, if it hadn't been him, it'd be someone else. She's using the same first name and her own mugshot as Jaxine Daniels, plus an all too accurate personal bio about her Colorado roots. What remains to be seen is how the neonatal candidate will handle scrutiny of her Fifty Shades-esque alter ego.

She's not off to a great start. The daily Denver paper reports that Bubis denounced "malicious attacks" and called criticism "intimidation of regular, everyday citizens participating in politics." Way to get sleazily defensive about something that–quite frankly–she only needs to apologize for at all because of the ultra-conservative company she chooses to keep. So she wrote some adult fiction. Stephanie Meyer is internationally famous and very, very rich, and she's almost as good an erotica writer as our comma splicing, sentence fragmenting Bubis/Daniels.

Want some unsolicited advice, Grammy? You can drop out of this race, or you can own the living shit out of this, reject the sex-shaming Christian right elements that have endorsed you, and say loud and proud, "I'm here to defend a fiscally conservative, liberty-based ideology that doesn't include peering into other people bedrooms or their bookshelves. I do not want or need the support of organizations or persons who believe that adult Americans aren't capable of choosing their own reading material without help from the nanny state or nanny church."

Sure, your own party will still eat you alive, Grammy, but they're gonna do that now, no matter how you react. At least you can go down with dignity this way–and probably sell a few books, too. May I suggest: "Fifty Shades of Red: A Tale of Republican Love Under the Golden Dome?" Frankly, the phallic gun fetishism that creeps into gun safety debates on the regular would seem to suggest that at least a few in your party could benefit from a little more erotica in their lives.  

PS. Boy, aren't you going to be embarrassed if the recall petition is thrown out on appeal and you just lost your secret identity for nothing whatsoever?

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28 thoughts on “Fifty Shades of Jaxine?”

  2. Thanks for the more telling images, Guvs… I think the REAL crime here is her Photoshop skillz (or lack thereof). It's definitely NC-17 what she's done to the poor, innocent merge layers tool.

  3. The Morse recall: A story of hope. A story of promises made, promises remembered, promises kept. Despite the ultimate obstacle.

    What can I say? I'm as breathless as all the deep (punnish reference intended) purple prose quoted in your hilarious post, Cowgirl. Thanks.

    But, P.S.: Am I the only one here who hasn't read Fifty Shades…?

    2. I've only read a few excerpts. Couldn't get through the whole thing. There's better erotic fanfiction online that you don't have to pay for, that isn't based on Twilight, and that isn't really fucking creepy in general. 

  4. If she's writing erotic fiction, why would she change her last name from Bubis? It seems appropriate….

    ….yes, I do have the mind of a twelve-year-old, why do you ask?

  5. She just needs to rewrite it into Gun Porn

    "she could see the bulge.  This was no 5 shot J Frame discreetly hiden in a Galco inside-the-pant holster.  No, 5, 10, even 15 globs of hot lead would never be enough for her.  She needed a man uncontrolled enough not to worry about putting 2 into center mass–she needed a man willing to spray hot lead everywhere.  There was nothing discreet about the large fanny pack holster he had stuffed his large frame automatic into.  She wanted to feel the 17 rounds spew from his Glock 17.

    She reached hungrily for his waist and slowly pulled at the velcro securing his large weapon with anticipation. She moved slowly. Although the reviews of this particular tactical fanny pack said that, in addition to being a stylish fashion accessory, a weapon could be freed and ready to fire in under 5 seconds, she hated when the shots were fired so fast. 

    As the weapon came into view, she let out a little gasp. His second magazine was a 33 round extended mag and she didn't know if she could take it"

    2. Made me LAUGH. You oughta try your hand at this stuff. You've already got a target audience. I will now go to my room for the awful pun.

    3. Purple prose at its finest, DtRH.

       

      Hey, where's Arapagroper to tell us how IOKIYAR to write gay porn?  Groper, wherefore art thou, Groper?  Since all sins, even poorly written gay porn (no girls on that cover, there, Ms. Bubis), are forgiven if you're Republican, I can't wait to see the Groper justify this one.

      P.S.  Danny, you are a far better writer than Ms. Bubis.

  7. I think this will help her. Book sales show that regardless of all the public disapproval – a lot of,people like this stuff (not me). And it helps her stand out (pun not intended).

    You go girl!

  8. Am I surprised, yes, but this is a continuation of the Republican fascination with made up or phantasy sex.  Anyone want to go over all the other Repubilcans scribblings?  I did not think so. 

  10. There is a poll in the newspaper that shall not be named. Said poll indicates that 77% of voters do not think that a candidate's writing erotic fiction disqualifies her/him as a candidate.

    I'm loving it, totally want her to run. Can't wait for the campaign literature and the Fox interviews.

    BTW, the parody post comment was awesome.

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