April 05, 2016 11:40 AM UTC

Keyser Explodes In Fit of Blaha Butthurt

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• by: Colorado Pols

A story at Real Clear Politics today on the crowded Colorado GOP U.S. Senate primary field is stoking what we can only describe as an inordinate amount of controversy between in-the-pack candidates Robert Blaha and Jon Keyser:

Most refrained from attacking their opponents, setting their sights instead on Bennet. Others, however, were less reserved. Blaha singled out Keyser, calling him a “nice young kid,” but saying his own son was more accomplished than Keyser, whom he didn’t think was qualified for the Senate.

Asked about Blaha’s criticism, Keyser didn’t fire back, instead saying he had plenty of experience on the battlefield and is proud of his service in the military, which gave him national security understanding…

Keyser didn’t “fire back” himself, instead letting surrogates completely freak out on his behalf:

Earlier today, failed 2012 congressional candidate, Robert Blaha, who has never served in any branch of the United States Armed Forces, chose to actively disrespect the military service of Jon Keyser in Iraq and Afghanistan.

In response to the grossly irresponsible slurs directed toward Bronze Star recipient Jon Keyser by failed congressional candidate Robert Blaha, former Marine Corps Captain and Prisoner of War in Vietnam, Orson Swindle took Blaha to task for his shameful comments.

“Robert Blaha’s strange and very inappropriate remarks directed toward Jon Keyser’s military record are not only a disgrace, but beneath the dignity of all Americans,” said Swindle…

Here’s the thing, though: as you can read above, Blaha didn’t “actively disrespect” Keyser’s military service. At most, he may have implied that Keyser isn’t terribly experienced in general as a “nice young kid,” never directly mentioning Keyser’s service at all. We don’t know enough about Blaha’s own kids to vouch for the assertion that his son is “more accomplished” than Keyser, but that’s certainly not an unusual opinion from a father for a son.

So what’s the really about? Well, Keyser is kind of a one-trick pony of a candidate, hanging more or less his entire case for election on his military service in Iraq and Afghanistan. Keyser has nonetheless had considerable difficulty differentiating himself as a candidate in this crowded field after lackluster performances in early debates.

The solution? Pitch a giant fit! Preferably through surrogates, screeching plaintively about Keyser’s service record over the slightest affront. Be careful not to go too far overboard though, or the whole thing just looks, well, you know, contrived.

Never mind, it’s too late for that advice.