Tell the Republicans How to Make Policy!

We missed this hilarious story yesterday from our pals at The Washington Post. You’ve really got to read the entire story, but here’s an excerpt:

Republicans want to take over the House in the fall, but there’s a problem: They don’t have an agenda.

So on Tuesday, they set out to resolve that shortcoming. They announced that they would solicit suggestions on the Internet, then have members of the public give the ideas a thumbs-up or a thumbs-down. Call it the “Dancing With the Stars” model of public policy.

Republicans were very pleased with their technological sophistication as they introduced the Web site, America Speaking Out a ceremony at the Newseum. Rep. Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.), who created the program, said that to get software for the site, “I personally traveled to Washington state and discovered a Microsoft program that helped NASA map the moon.”

Using lunar software is appropriate, because the early responses to the Republicans’ request for ideas are pretty far out:

“End Child Labor Laws,” suggests one helpful participant. “We coddle children too much. They need to spend their youth in the factories.”

“How about if Congress actually do thier job and VET or Usurper in Chief, Obama is NOT a Natural Born Citizen in any way,” recommends another. “That fake so called birth certificate is useless.”

“A ‘teacher’ told my child in class that dolphins were mammals and not fish!” a third complains. “And the same thing about whales! We need TRADITIONAL VALUES in all areas of education. If it swims in the water, it is a FISH. Period! End of Story.”

House Republicans, meet the World Wide Web.

With this story in mind, we invite you to submit your own suggestions for a new House Republican Policy platform. The best (funniest) suggestions will be narrowed down and put to a vote.

26 Community Comments, Facebook Comments

  1. Danny the Red (hair)Danny the Red (hair) says:

    http://www.americaspeakingout….

    Nerf away! (or is it freeping)

    • RedGreenRedGreen says:

      From Millbank’s article:

      Rep. Mike Pence (Ind.) contributed to the discussion by twice giving out the wrong address for the new site.

    • RedGreenRedGreen says:

      How’s that lunar technology working for you, House Republicans?

    • Froward69 says:

      “We need to do something about those damnd Liberals… They have put something in our water! When the sprinkler is going and the sun hits it just right… You can see one of those god forsaken Gay agenda rainbows! I realize rainbows after a rainstorm is gods way of saying “I am sorry”. but in our drinking water? This is obviously a Liberal PLOT!

  2. Danny the Red (hair)Danny the Red (hair) says:

    Give a pair of truck nutz to all americans! Because there’s nothing more manly and american than a pair of balls hanging from your pickup truck. Take THAT Al Qaeda!

  3. Some other sample ideas:

       ”Only straight people should be able to mess up adopted children!”

       ”The Second Amendment is clear: All Americans should be permitted, even encouraged, to own and carry their own concealed tactical nuclear weapons at all times. ”

       ”The nice rich people that stole all my money told me it was actually the brown people. I guess I’ll keep voting for those nice rich people, I don’t want the brown people to get any more of my stuff.”

       ”Gays are horrible, horrible people, but we can’t pick and choose parts of Leviticus, so let’s deny equal rights to all people who fall into the following group: Men who shave, anyone who touches a menstruating woman, people who eat pork, people who eat shellfish, people who work on Sundays. They’re all horrible, horrible people. “

    You’d think they’d understand that the Intertubes aren’t safe by now…

  4. ardy39 says:

    we should make english the official language of the US and stop spending tax dollars on translations for mexicans! if english is good enough for baby jesus, its good enough for americans.

     

  5. Half Glass FullHalf Glass Full says:

    Complete the danged fence!

    The one in Wasilla, that is: http://wonkette.com/415675/pal…  

  6. slapshot says:

    Poe’s Law points out that it is hard to tell parodies of fundamentalism (or, more generally, any  crackpot theory) from the real thing, since they both seem equally insane.

    http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/P

  7. WesternSlopeThought says:

    the Democrats won the presidency, the US Senate, the US House, Colorado’s governorship and state legislature is because fewer people came out to vote for Republicans last election.  Just wait for more people coming out to support Republicans.  I’ll bet you the results will be different.

    “The top half of the students are well-educated, the bottom half receive extra help, but the middle half we are leaving out.” ~ Marcia Neal

  8. Steve Harvey says:

    Mandatory lobotomies for everyone. It’s the one sure way to swell the party’s ranks.

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