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September 10, 2010 05:12 PM UTC

Maes Hints at Further Super-Secret Revelations: Possibly Jedi Knight?

  • 22 Comments
  • by: ClubTwitty

“…[T]his is not just political war, folks, this is a spiritual battle,” he said. “There is evil out there. When I interact with some of these people, I can feel the evil. They’re not evil people, but evil finds its way into the system. And we must stand and fight this to the end.”  

Dan ‘Undercover’ Maes, Durango Herald, September 10, 2010

As documented in the Herald, Dan spent most of his 90-minute talk at a Durango appearance explaining away his many missteps, misstatements and mistakes–no doubt inspiring confidence in the assembled electorate with charm and sound reasoning:

“I think what’s happening is some of you are saying to yourself, ‘Uh-oh, something’s not right about this guy. He’s the same as everyone else,'” he told the overflow crowd gathered at the Church of Christ on Florida Mesa.

But, as usual, Maes holds all the cards.  He is in possession, dear readers, of an email that “vindicates” him in that minor ‘undercover’ affair next door. Dan let slip that he holds (at an undisclosed location) the magic missive that will finally vanquish the Dark Side.  

Maes admits he is having some difficulties getting over his very public break up with GOP-has been John Andrews, who now claims he’ll be writing in his own failed candidate this time around. But people change and relationships are complicated.  Dan holds out hope that things can be patched up.  And Agent candidate Maes has something big up his sleeve.

Maes said an Associated Press writer spent two days in Liberal on assignment. He said he is waiting to see what kind of story emerges before releasing his “trump card.”

I can imagine that such an email must be powerful, to wash the unfortunate stink of incompetence off of Dan Maes, a stink cooked up in the cauldrons of other people, evil people, or at least unwitting evil-doers.  

In a different article we learn that Maes’ ‘voluntary treasurer’ is leaving the campaign.  But Nate ‘Best Job on Earth’ Strauch assures us that it is not what it appears.  The wheels are not falling off the bus, the ‘voluntary treasurer’ is just tired with the commute.  We all know that the roads in El Paso County are a little, ummm, rough.  

That’s just good government, folks, and once Dan is in office the rest of the state will be similarly privileged.  Hell, Governor Maes might just start his Day 1 Job Massacre with CDOT!  He’s not telling, to keep those bureaucrats on their toes.  

Because Dan is undercover.  And when, or rather if, he chooses to reveal the secret email that will dash all dastardly doubts, we will all see how lucky we are.  Meanwhile, keep expecting him to spend his time explaining why he is not the losing candidate he appears.

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22 thoughts on “Maes Hints at Further Super-Secret Revelations: Possibly Jedi Knight?”

  2. I read the Maes piece earlier in the Durango Herald and shook my head.  Someone should right a book about the 2010 elections entitled  ‘The Crackpots Among us.’

    It could have chapters on:

    Vanilla Crackpots

    Idiot Crackpots

    Dangerous Crackpots

    Any other suggestions?

  4. 1. The deposit slip for that cash contribution from Freda Poundstone. Should be easy to produce.

    2. Maes’ actual tax returns. Should be easy to produce.

    3. Maes’ mileage records, confirming where he went, and on what dates, to rack up that astounding $40,000 mileage reimbursement. Again, should be easy to produce: he needs to keep a mileage log.

    4. Maes’ entire personnel file from Liberal, Kansas. As the employee he has the right to ask for it: no one else can see it without a release from Maes. Again, should be easy for Maes to produce.

    Will we actually ever see any of these things? Not bloody likely.

  7. We Republicans can take heart from the fact that Maes has not been implicated in any sex scandal.

    So, is John Andrews going to write in his own name?  Perhaps this is the beginning of groundswell to resurrect the Andrews gubernatorial campaign of a few cycles ago.

  9. That was a funny article to read this morning.  It’s not a hit piece but Maes is not exactly brimming with confidence.  I like that he’s holding on to his proof until after the AP is done with its research in Liberal

  10. a “friendly poker game” and a “Major gambling operation”.

    Funny but a little place like Liberal KS probably has a game of cards as its city council meeting.

    thus getting Maes’ paranoia up and “close to exposing powerful people.”

  11. Memo to Dan: You may want to consider just zipping your lips from now until election day.  Everytime you open your mouth, you are losing votes (and hurting every other Republican on the ballot).  Perhaps, you could just take a cruise around the world.  Just imagine all the mileage you could expense!!!

    1. He’s convincd that because no one thought he could do well at caucus, or assembly or int he primary and yet he did, that the more people claim he’s toast now the better he will in fact do.

      See? He’s lie the horse that is spooked by a loud noise the first time it is saddled.  It never takes the saddle well.  (My family used to shoot them.)  

  12. Wouldn’t it make more sense for Maes to release this email that will vindicate him and preempt the AP story? Or is Maes waiting until the story comes out to write the email himself?

    1. I’ve been waiting for someone to say Dan is a flim-flam man. Who but a flim-flam man would not have policy positions until the people told him what they wanted him to say?

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