September 08, 2014 09:30 PM UTC

Shocked at the Ray Rice elevator video? Don't be.

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• by: kwtree

I am not shocked at the NFL Ray Rice elevator video, which shows the Ravens running back punching his fiancee, then dragging her unconscious body out of the elevator.

I am not shocked at the NFL's ignoring the incident and its initial penalty for Rice: a two-game suspension.

I am not shocked at the sudden dramatic reversal in the NFL's treatment of domestic violence offenses – now, a domestic violence offense will be treated more severely than, say, pee tainted with marijuana. A six-game ban for a first offense, lifetime ban for a second.

I wish I could say I was shocked at Ray's then- fiance, Janae Rice, declining to press charges against Rice, and eventually marrying her abuser. I've been there, and I understand.  The average victim tries to leave her abuser seven times before she succeeds, if she succeeds before she is killed or permanently injured.  I think it took me nine incidents before I left for the last time. And for all of the little kids trapped in violent homes, keep in mind that they can’t leave. They are children, who more than likely will perpetuate the cycle of violence as adults because everything they have seen in their lives teaches them that family punch-outs are just the way things work.

The NFL’s waffling merely reflects the way we as Americans deal with domestic violence – we don’t see, we hide, we look away, we blame the victim, we tell couples to “patch it up”, we  promulgate the legal fantasy that “both parties are equally to blame”.  And if there are billions of dollars on the line (1.43 billion is the average worth of an NFL franchise), then why should a woman or two getting beaten steer this financial juggernaut off course?

Sports is big business, and it is a violent business. That is sort of the point. Concussions, traumatic brain and other injury – broadcasters spend thousands of well-paid advertising minutes discussing these finer points of each game.

But what happened on that elevator,  is a crime. It should be treated like any other aggravated assault – indictment, day in court, jail time or other punishment.  Not just being sidelined for a game or six.

Football fans, I have a question for you: Are you willing to allow  more severe penalties for criminally violent football players, even if this means fewer big stars, less violent games, or (horrors) that your favorite team may not win, if the MVP is grounded for battery and assault? Ray Rice was fired from the Ravens team. Does this now fix the problem of violence perpetrated on and off the football field?

Because I think that’s the conflict at the bottom of this.  How addicted are you to football violence? How ambivalent are you about your favorite blood sport? You bought the T shirt – hell, you probably bought all  your kids jerseys, too. Not to mention the season tickets, the team logo towels and mugs and jackets and souvenirs.  Fans make football what it is.

The NFL’s sudden decision to severely penalize players with domestic assaults is, in my opinion, a transparent attempt to woo back their female fan base, to get them to give the fan-franchise relationship a go one more time, to promise that things will get better, that the violence won't happen again, but let's just  keep the dollars flowing.  Will it work?