CO-04 (Special Election) See Full Big Line

(R) Greg Lopez

(R) Trisha Calvarese

90%

10%

President (To Win Colorado) See Full Big Line

(D) Joe Biden*

(R) Donald Trump

80%

20%↓

CO-01 (Denver) See Full Big Line

(D) Diana DeGette*

90%

CO-02 (Boulder-ish) See Full Big Line

(D) Joe Neguse*

90%

CO-03 (West & Southern CO) See Full Big Line

(D) Adam Frisch

(R) Jeff Hurd

(R) Ron Hanks

40%

30%

20%

CO-04 (Northeast-ish Colorado) See Full Big Line

(R) Lauren Boebert

(R) Deborah Flora

(R) J. Sonnenberg

30%↑

15%↑

10%↓

CO-05 (Colorado Springs) See Full Big Line

(R) Dave Williams

(R) Jeff Crank

50%↓

50%↑

CO-06 (Aurora) See Full Big Line

(D) Jason Crow*

90%

CO-07 (Jefferson County) See Full Big Line

(D) Brittany Pettersen

85%↑

 

CO-08 (Northern Colo.) See Full Big Line

(D) Yadira Caraveo

(R) Gabe Evans

(R) Janak Joshi

60%↑

35%↓

30%↑

State Senate Majority See Full Big Line

DEMOCRATS

REPUBLICANS

80%

20%

State House Majority See Full Big Line

DEMOCRATS

REPUBLICANS

95%

5%

Generic selectors
Exact matches only
Search in title
Search in content
Post Type Selectors
December 19, 2014 03:14 PM UTC

"Dr. Chaps" Says The Lord Will Heal You, So Quit Worrying

  • 34 Comments
  • by: Colorado Pols

Raw Story's Eric Dolan with another preview of what awaits us on next year's Colorado House Health, Insurance and Environment Committee–Rep.-elect Gordon "Dr. Chaps" Klingenschmitt, just weeks from taking office, gives us his prescription for health care reform:

“We ought to look to the Lord for our health care,” Klingenschmitt said during his PIJN News program [Thursday].

“He said, ‘If you listen carefully to the Lord your God and do what is right in his eyes, if you pay attention to his commands and keep all his decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians, for I am the Lord, who heals you,’” he continued, quoting Exodus 15.

“Isn’t that inspiring? I personally prefer to look to almighty God as my healer and not to the government as a substitute god or substitute healer,” Klingenschmitt added, before praying. “Father in Heaven, we turn away from the idolatry that so many have in their hearts, that they think government is a better healer than Jesus. But, Jesus, we know you are the healer.”

Also, "Dr. Chaps" says it's time to repent for worshipping President Obama "as a god." But that's just a sidenote–think of how much money the state of Colorado is going to save by shutting down Medicaid and letting The Lord take care of people's health care! That's a health reform plan which, if you think about it, has worked very well throughout history–including the entire period of history before we had health care.

Once again: Chaps should be a joke. In any other context, he would be a joke. But he's not. He's actually been appointed to the Colorado House Health, Insurance and Environment Committee. Which means that before you laugh at Rep.-elect Chaps again, there will a be a period of time in which he will be no laughing matter.

Okay, you can still laugh a little.

Tweet
Share

Comments

34 thoughts on ““Dr. Chaps” Says The Lord Will Heal You, So Quit Worrying”

    1. This past Saturday my young niece was afflicted with a severe strain of the flu while we were celebrating my youngest son's wedding.  It hit quickly, settled in her throat and she was literally being suffocated.  My brother grabbed her, put her in the car, hit OnStar and was guided to the hospital that was about five minutes away.  They had already alerted Flight for Life, which arrived about five minutes after they arrived at the hospital.  They put her out, inserted a vent tube and whisked her via helicopter to Children's where she was in Pediatric ICU until yesterday.

      She is going to be fine, but it's fascinating to think about everything that was in place to make her survival possible: satellites circling above us, JetA fuel for the chopper likely refined from Alberta tar sands at the SunCor refinery in Commerce City, doctors trained from medical schools unknown pilots, nurses, etc.  Yes, we've gone way beyond plucking lice and boils! 

      The bill will be close to $100k – shall I have my brother instruct Childrens Hospital to send the bill to the Bank of Jesus? If he's the 'creator of all things', he made all those things possible, didn't he?

      Chappy – we had just finished a full mass at the wedding when this happened – perhaps your rules and your Jesus only cover certain followers of the Big Guy? Because she was about as close to the Big Guy as one can get.

      Or maybe you're just an idiot.

      "Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."

      ~Martin Luther King Jr.,

      1. Chaps' concern does not extend to children post-birth, nor for their families. Only the unborn apparently deserve his prayers.  

        Best wishes for your niece's continued recovery.

        1. Thanks – she's doing fine now, but that exercise was a great reminder as to how lucky one is in this country if/when you have access to the full slate of medical assets that are available.

          I found this – perfect for the season and the lost soul that's the focus of this thread…

           

          “In the best sense of the word [Jesus] was a radical….His religion has so long been identified with conservatism–often with conservatism of the obstinate and unyielding sort–that it is almost startling for us sometimes to remember that all the conservatism of his own times was against him, that it was the young, free, restless, sanguine, progressive part of the people who flocked to him.

          ~Phillips Brooks, 19th century clergyman and particularly remembered as lyricist of "O Little Town of Bethlehem”–which has a favorite line of mine–“the hopes and fears of all the years are met in thee tonight.”

           

           

          1. Once again this Christmas season, the lyric to Jackson Browne's The Rebel Jesus was floating through my head as I read your post, Michael. I assume you know it; if not it's worth looking up. You'll like it if you've never heard it. It's my favorite subversive Christmas carol.

             

            1. The Christmas Song by Jethro Tull is a favorite of mine…

              Once in Royal David's City stood a lonely cattle shed,
              where a mother held her baby.
              You'd do well to remember the things He later said.
              When you're stuffing yourselves at the Christmas parties,
              you'll just laugh when I tell you to take a running jump.
              You're missing the point I'm sure does not need making
              that Christmas spirit is not what you drink.

              So how can you laugh when your own mother's hungry,
              and how can you smile when the reasons for smiling are wrong?
              And if I just messed up your thoughtless pleasures,
              remember, if you wish, this is just a Christmas song.

              (Hey! Santa! Pass us that bottle, will you?)
               

  3. My first introduced bill will be a replacement of the Connect for Health Colorado program with the Out of Egypt plan*.  All righteous Christians and Jews will be eligible.  The rest of you and your treacherous sins are on your own.

    *Plan covers only ailments related to:
    – Consumption of water that has been turned to blood (believers on municipal water systems excluded)
    – Frogs (preexisting amphibian infestation may be reason for exclusion from coverage)
    – Lice
    – Fly bites (flies must be heavenly agents to qualify for coverage)
    – Boils
    – Illness caused by the consumption of diseased livestock
    – Injury inflicted by locusts
    – Inclement, fiery weather
    – Darkness
    – Death of firstborn (male children only)

  4. Having just got off the fricking phone with RMHP over some mistake it made (and with which they cannot help me, over the phone) I have to say that prayer might feel  (and even be) more productive than corporate customer service.  

    1. Oh, no.  You must have misunderstood.  You should look to God for healing rather than the government.  Private health coverage doesn't cause cancer, and totally beats out the Holy Spirit outcome-wise.  Jesus loves the free market– it's the demons driving governmental intervention that must be opposed at all costs.

  5. I think it was in Auntie Mame that "Hot Damn, my sister is going to bust a gut" was a good saying for those of us standing on the chalk lines watching this guy get ready to stand in the well and spew out his idiocy.  Will he get clunked on the head by a well aimed stapler?  Or perhaps a gavel from on high aimed to the base of the fool.

    I can't wait for this guy to end up with his spittle and stammering standing at the urinal being hog tied as he is screaming "the gays are making me pee on my foot".

    1. Throwing ANYTHING at Chaps would make Chaps better. Really. He's stuck in an idiot mode for so long, a thwap on the head would change Chaps' tune.

      Make sure the object is heavy, and extremely accurate….

       

    1. Canines, either choice is permissable.  Usually, to show possession by a name or plural noun ending in s, add an apostrophe on the end.  

      So, in  HaySoos' name.  Chaps' chaps. Otherwise, we just get too many s', and it just sounds awkward, as in breastesesss.

      But go with the most natural sounding pronunciation. English is a weird and inconsistent language. 

       

       

      1. English is a weird and inconsistent language? Tell me and Chaps about it: Maybe he has an alternate explanation for why his sign says, "Pray In Jesus Name."

  8. I think Chaps is confused. Nobody is looking to the government to be a healer. They just want to be able to go to the doctor when they need to and it's very hard to do that without good insurance. Most people accept that the government has a role in making that insurance accessible.  I wonder how many of the grumpy old white men and women who voted for him would be interested in giving up Medicare because all they need is Jesus. How many Republican military vets would be interested in giving up their veterans' health benefits because all they need is prayer?

    And what does Jesus or the bible have to do with access to health care in a secular state anyway? This isn't a theocracy. Nobody is obliged to live according to any collection of religious writings. Is Chaps saying that people don't need doctors or treatments, they just have to be his particular brand of Christian and rely on prayer?  What country does he think he's living in and what government does he think he just got himself elected to?

    Most important, what kind of morons would vote for this idiot? Seriously. I don't understand how anyone with more sense than a bag of rocks could vote for this man. The fact that he got elected to our state government is a disgrace, something each and every Colorado citizen ought to be mortified by.  

    And BTW, the part of the bible he's referring to is the Jewish bible, the Torah, and there has never been and is no Jewish teaching or tradition against seeking medical care. Jews have never believed that they must rely only on prayer for healing and when Jews do pray it isn't to a guy named Jesus. As a Jew, I'd really appreciate Chaps staying the hell away from interpreting my people's ancestral religious writings. He doesn't know WTF he's talking about and no American citizen is obliged to accept anyone's interpretation of Torah as a basis for a healthcare system even if they do know WTF they're talking about.

        1. Oh, he'll keep it . . . 

          . . . but he'll be keeping it, but he'll be blaming that on that dark, demonic force occupying the White House . . . 

          . . . never gonna' use it though [wink, wink] . . . gotta' show those demons who's boss!

Leave a Comment

Recent Comments


Posts about

Donald Trump
SEE MORE

Posts about

Rep. Lauren Boebert
SEE MORE

Posts about

Rep. Yadira Caraveo
SEE MORE

Posts about

Colorado House
SEE MORE

Posts about

Colorado Senate
SEE MORE

243 readers online now

Newsletter

Subscribe to our monthly newsletter to stay in the loop with regular updates!